So the year is almost over, and I’ve been hard at work (sometimes) trying to work on some of these goals.
(See the full and updated list here!)
I haven’t done all of them, and I honestly don’t expect to. But just to be clear, that’s not me excepting defeat or anything. That’s just kinda how I view my lists now. My goal isn’t to complete the entire list, although that would always be cool.
My goal with all these lists of goals is to push myself, to dream big and try new things. I know that the chances of me finishing 100 big goals in a year, means completing a goal almost every 3 days. And that’s not taking into consideration the big goals that take planning or span a larger amount of time. Oh, and that’s also excluding my uberly busy life.
I know that a lot of my friends see all my lists and think I’v gone nutty, or that it’s just another extension of some kind of OCD (which in some cases it might be a little of), or that I’m planning my life too much to actually live it. One of the guys in the art department at my school, we’ll call him Ernie, had a whole talk with me once about what a problem my lists were. I could see where he was coming from, but I also stopped trying to convince him of their benefits at one point because it became clear that he just didn’t get it.
I’m a very structured person. I love control. And although some of my best memories and fun experiences have involved me giving up whole bunches of control, I can’t live my life like that. I’m very involved. I do lots of clubs, take lots of classes, try to connect to lots of people, and still make time for as many other experiences and fun times as possible. That means that in order to keep up my GPA, sleep occasionally, and honestly just remember when I’m meeting someone or that I’m supposed to eat, I have to list it all out.
But even I have to admit, sometimes I get a little carried away. So the solution is, instead of trying to change the way I think and live my entire life, I’ll change the way I think about free time. I’ll schedule in breaks where I can do whatever and have fun with friends. I’ll ensure that I don’t plan away my college years. I’ll dream up great lists of weird, random, fun, and monumental goals- and maybe, definitely, I won’t finish them all. But I’ll do some things that I might not’ve been able to commit to otherwise. I’ll learn which things really matter to me, and either do them or try harder the next time.
My goals lists aren’t really bucket lists, because even though I put a deadline on them, what I get done by a certain date isn’t what matters. My lists are just a way to keep track of life, but life is what happens in-between the goals. Life is the fits of laughter with Stella and Johanna when we try to dye my hair in a little bathroom. Life is talking to Grace for 2 hours instead of doing my work because we both needed a break from it all. Life is skyping with Joe and her 1st boyfriend just because. Life is when Regina and I stay up way too late debating about something we both agree with.
Life is talking to Anastasia for hours and hours about me visiting her in NYC, planning out endless adventures that we abandoned or exchanged when I actually came to see her. Life is Penny and Beth letting me hide under their covers because interaction with humans is just too much for socially awkward me to figure out. Life is the chats in the painting studio, the late night froyo runs, the walks across campus, the photo adventures, and everything else that happens instead of me actually making ramen or riding an elephant.
I didn’t mean to ramble for so long, but you get the picture. My lists aren’t my life, they’re just another piece of it.
Nighty night, and dream big.